Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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