At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
