I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
