life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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