I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
