I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
