You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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