The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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