; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize