Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
love makes seman taste better
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
