Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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