I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
