you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
3 2 1 whiskey
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
