i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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