Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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