Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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