He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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