my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize