Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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