How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
