I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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