I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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