Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
