you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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