The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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