I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
