We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
