You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
soo... how was my night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
