I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
