I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
