Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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