Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
