My liver just broke up with me...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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