I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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