I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
