just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i think my cat just said my name.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
