Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
