your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
