So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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