I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
