A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
