bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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