CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
