my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
