his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
