I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
