You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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