i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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