do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
