Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
