I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
