I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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