Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He shit in the fireplace
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