i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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