he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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