Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
