I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All I want is dick and wine.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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