I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I came so hard my ears popped.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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