I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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