I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
