Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
