you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
