he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
