Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
