mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i will never coherently bang her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
