I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
