Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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