I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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