I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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