I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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