it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
